Hold Your Color
by CladInPink
Summary: Not every mission is a matter of valiant heroics or glorifying victories, and "mission complete" isn't necessarily a synonym for "happy ending". Haruno Sakura learns this the hard way.


Inspired by PurpleInkComics' drawing (see link at the bottom). Many thanks to them for letting me use their art as a source of inspiration!

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**Hold Your Color**

Home. The word tastes sweet and familiar on her tongue, and she can't help but whisper it to the wind in a moment of quiet relief. She's finally home.

Sakura breathes in deeply, savoring the warm evening air as she regards the scenic view before her. The retreating sun hangs low in the horizon, blending seamlessly with the darkness of the coming night as its last rays of light warms her face and paints her hair a nearly orange hue. It is a pleasant reprieve from the usual hot, humid weather that characterizes the long days of summer in the Fire Country.

It is odd, she thinks, that such beauty still exist in the world despite yesterday's horridness.

Closing her eyes, Sakura has to fight the urge to lean back, knowing there won't be anything for her to lean against.

It's an unfortunate disadvantage to seeking refuge on one of the top branches in the tallest tree in Konoha's vicinity, but the advantages far outweighs that single drawback. The earth down below is far enough away to let her momentarily forget the hustle and bustle of everyday life at the ground's surface, or rather, to make her forget about her latest mission. Not to mention the view is splendid from such a height.

Sakura has just returned from a mission, her first solo as a full-fledged chuunin in her career as a ninja. She hadn't thought anything of the lack of briefing upon accepting it. It wasn't unusual to send out ninjas and have them wait for further instructions. Most of the time, it was for the ninja's own protection, so as not to blow their cover prior to the start of the mission.

She had arrived in Otafuku Gai with a clear head, intent on completing her first solo mission as fast and smoothly as possible. It wasn't until later on in the day, when the scroll from Konoha arrived, that realization had dawned on her.

"Shirking your duties as a ninja, I see. Not a good way to start your career as chuunin," a teasing voice speaks beside her, and Sakura jumps, having not sensed any approaching chakra signatures nor having felt the branch shift underneath her.

The reason for that becomes apparent as she turns her head sideways and sees Tsunade, her mentor and Hokage, seated on the branch beside her, gazing at the sinking sun in the horizon as if she's been sitting there the whole time. There's a slight tug at her senses, like a plug being removed, and then she's finally able to sense the chakra signature she has come to know so well over the years; fierce and unbending, like everything else about the woman herself.

Sakura mentally curses said woman for her constant urge to tease her.

"I do believe it's required of all ninjas to report back to my office as soon as they return from a mission," at these words, the blonde glances at her sideways, a sly smirk tugging at her lips. "You should know, you're the Hokage's apprentice after all."

For once, Sakura doesn't rise to the bait, and instead of her usual sassy comeback, she releases a sigh and looks back towards the horizon.

"I know. I just wanted some quiet to think."

"Oh? Did I overestimate your mental capabilities when I assumed you capable of thinking _and _moving at the same time?"

Sakura lets out a small, irritated groan at the blonde's constant prodding as she shoots her a not-now glare. Usually she enjoys their banter, but Tsunade often find ways to push her buttons when it is least needed.

When she receives no answering jibe, Tsunade lays a hand on her apprentice's shoulder, covering the orange whirlpool symbol on her new chuunin uniform. Her expression changes from one of mirth to one of worry, brows furrowing and lips pursing.

"What were you thinking about, Sakura?" she asks in a now somber voice, her words accompanied by that studious gaze usually reserved for medical texts and badly wounded patients.

Sakura looks away, eyes returning to stare at the setting sun in the far horizon. Usually she likes to be direct, to face life and whatever challenges thrown at her head-on. But today it's different. Today she wants nothing more than to curl in on herself and sleep until the recollections of yesterday's events are no longer so fresh in her mind.

Or maybe not. Sleeping means dreams, and dreams mean her brain trying to process yesterday's events. No, maybe sleeping isn't such a good way to get rid of painful memories.

Tsunade sighs as if reading her mind and Sakura thinks to herself that she really should practice keeping a neutral expression in place. It's one of her job requirements after all.

The hand on her shoulder tightens momentarily in a comforting squeeze.

"Kid, you know that-"

"No," Sakura cuts her off, turning her head sharply. "You're not allowed to call me that. Not anymore. Not after yesterday."

This shuts her up, and Sakura is secretly pleased when, this time, it's Tsunade who looks away. The hand on her shoulder leaves along with the comfort it gave her.

For a while, they sit in silence, neither knowing what to say to successfully break through the tension that hangs thickly in the air. In the end it is Tsunade who ventures forth.

"I'm sorry it happened so soon."

Sakura takes a moment to process the hidden admission in those words.

"You mean to tell me every kunoichi is assigned a mission such as mine?" Sakura's words are laced with both bitterness and incredulity.

Her rational mind knows that yes, of course there'd be missions of such nature; it's not exactly a secret. But never before has the thought that she might be required to do one herself cross her mind. It had never seemed like an option up until the previous day when she'd had the less savory aspect of her job thrown in her face.

"It's protocol for all female ninjas to go through at least one mission of a nature such as the one you carried out yesterday during their career."

The answer is prompt and hits her like a physical blow to the stomach, making her gut twist with the knowledge that something like that awaits every aspiring kunoichi, along with the knowledge that she might possibly be assigned such a mission again in the future.

Of course she can choose to say no to a mission; it's perfectly legal. But ninjas who start doing that usually ends up behind a desk somewhere the dust stacks in thick layers. The first one must be mandatory though, given the way it was assigned to her. She had not even been given time to mentally prepare herself; though she's pretty sure no amount of time would have been preparation enough.

A violent shudder passes through her as a memory from yesterday replays itself in her mind.

_Hands moving down her sides, down, down, lower yet, gripping her, holding her still as fingers-_

She shakes her head as if to banish the revolting memories from her head.

She doesn't want to appear weak, especially not in front of Tsunade. She isn't that little, teary-eyed 12-years-old begging to be taken as an apprentice from all those years ago. She's a woman now, strong and confident and-

_Stubbles scratches her chin as chapped lips roughly cover her own and a tongue forces her lips apart, tasting of cigar smoke, cheap booze and something she can't even begin to name. The kunai strapped to her upper thigh digs painfully into her flesh as he presses her harder against the wall, and no, not yet, she has to wait-_

Why can she not banish these memories? It's over, she has completed the mission, and she's home-

_The feeling of his rough hands beneath her shirt, the way he momentarily tenses against her as she drives the kunai into the back of his neck, the feel of his warm blood spraying her face-_

"Sakura," she blinks and opens her eyes (when did she close them?) at the sound of her name, spoken in an unnaturally soft voice.

The pinkette looks to her right, having all but forgotten about her mentor's presence. Tsunade looks at her with saddened eyes as if she _knows_, and it's all Sakura can do not to push her off the branch; she doesn't want pity, least of all from her.

"How far did he go?"

The question catches her off-guard, even though Sakura knows she is bound to face it sooner or later, if not during her debriefing, then in a situation such as this. As it is, she can't determine whether Tsunade is asking as the Hokage, as her mentor, or simply as a friend. Sakura takes a deep, steadying breath before answering with shifty, downcast eyes.

"Just kissing – if it can be called that – and some heavy groping," she tries to sound casual about it, but she is all too aware of how her voice breaks before she's even halfway through the sentence. Then a realization hits her, and she can't help the harsh, self-desecrating laugh pushing past her lips. "Do you know it was my first kiss? To think that it was with someone like him-"

Her words are cut short as warm and impossibly soft lips press against her own, stealing the words from her mouth. She tenses, fingernails digging into the bark of the tree branch as memories of the last set of lips upon hers rises to the surface. But then the lips start to move against her own, banishing all thoughts of yesterday from her mind, and the only thing she can concentrate on is Tsunade and the feel of her lips on hers as she struggles to reciprocate.

The kiss is slow and tantalizing, so unlike the ones she experienced the night before. Tsunade expertly coaxes the inexperience from Sakura's lips as she kisses her, alternating between lightly nipping and sucking. Sakura's head spins, a whirlwind of sensations assaulting her senses all at once; Tsunade's hair tickling her right cheek, Tsunade's hand atop of hers, Tsunade's smell of vanilla and something that smells vaguely like sake. The fluttery feeling in her stomach intensifies, as does the growing warmth spreading through her body.

With a final nip on her bottom lip, Tsunade draws back, regarding her with a small smile, albeit a tinge of sadness tugs at the corners.

"I hope that helped chase away some of the unpleasant memories."

Sakura is at a loss for word, her mind still reeling from the well of new sensations she has just experienced. The air suddenly feels cold against her warm lips, and she laments the loss of Tsunade's lips against her own. She finds herself wishing for the blonde to lean forward again, to deepen the kiss and spread that peculiar warmth throughout her body once more.

Her sense of loss must have shown on her face, for Tsunade leans in again, this time bringing up a hand to hold her face as she places a brief peck at the corner of her mouth.

"Come to my office once you feel ready to debrief," she speaks quietly, hand lingering on her cheek for a few precious seconds before pulling away. "For now, head home and get some rest."

She's gone in the blink of an eye, or rather, in the blink of a shunshin, leaving Sakura alone with a mass of confusing thoughts vying for her attention. The thoughts of her latest mission linger in the back of her head like a vengeful enemy, waiting to strike, but Tsunade's kiss has pushed them to the back of her head for the time being.

Sakura tentatively reaches up to touch her lips as her mind tries to wrap around the fact that she had just been kissed by her _shishou_. The feel of the blonde's lips on hers are fresh in her mind, and Sakura finds herself wondering how one kiss can be so different from another depending on who it's shared with. She hadn't wanted to kiss the man ('target', she corrects herself) yesterday, and, predictably, it had been an unpleasant experience. However, she hadn't actively wanted Tsunade to kiss her either, yet the kiss had made her toes curl and sent a pleasant shiver down her spine.

These thoughts lead Sakura to the next question waiting to be addressed. Why did Tsunade kiss her?

She's spent years under the woman's tutelage, and never once has she wished for the blonde to kiss her, and yet now she finds herself wishing for nothing more than precisely that. Of course she's noticed the beauty of her mentor; Sakura isn't blind. But she's never quite thought of her mentor in the way that most of the male populace of Konoha surely has.

To her, Tsunade has always been a strong leader, a strict teacher, and – with time – a trusted friend and confidante. Sakura has never longed for any further development in their relationship. So why does the mere thought of the blonde now send a pleasant tingle down her spine?

With a sigh and a shake of her head, Sakura abandons her pondering; it was only fueling the chaotic state of her mind. She drops from the branch she's been sitting on up until now and onto the next one down, repeating the process until she once again has solid ground under her feet.

Right now there is only one solution that will (hopefully) ensure that she gets some peace of mind, and that is debriefing.

She sets out for the Hokage's office, her head spinning with both trepidation and anticipation.

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_Author's note: _I've come to the conclusion that I simply fail at writing anything remotely fluffy. I don't even know how I went from a romantic sunset to post-traumatic angst. My mind works in mysterious (and often incredibly random, not to mention disturbing) ways. Beware, there will (at some point) be a second chapter!

On a side note, _hold your color_ is slang for _stand your ground_, alas it means to stand up for what you believe in.

**Source of insipiration:** purpleinkcomics deviantart com /art/Tsunade-x-Sakura-Kiss-319593559 (insert dots where applicable)


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